Throughout our lives, we all have moments when we do not feel good about ourselves, and even we doubt our abilities. When these thoughts and feelings cease to be sporadic and begin to accompany us constantly, they become a burden in our day and a burden in our life, leading to feelings of anxiety, sadness, anger, guilt, depression, and ultimately to depressive and suicidal thoughts.
Self-esteem is, as the name implies, esteem for us. At first, it may seem like a very superficial emotional state. Still, it is not, and it is not, because depending on the level of our self-esteem (low or balanced), it ends up influencing all sides of our lives as individuals in a society that requires us to be at our best most of the time. At our best as friends, as professionals, as companions, as parents, as co-workers, in short, we need to feel good about ourselves to be okay with everything around us. This is intimately linked to the value that we attribute to ourselves.
“Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions keep you from listening to your own inner voice“. (Steve Jobs)
Self-esteem is directly linked to the feeling of well-being. Associated with self-esteem are a set of feelings and thoughts that determine how we deal with our own value, with our skills and even with the positive or negative attitude towards life.
Self-knowledge, self-confidence, self-criticism, self-congratulation, self-acceptance, self-love, and identity are associated with balanced self-esteem. This balanced self-esteem will make us accept and love ourselves as we are, without self-judgment or self-punishment.
For healthy self-esteem:
Being well with us helps increase the quality of life and general well-being. In addition, we get more motivation for the different tasks. We have more determination to decide how to overcome the challenges that life offers us. We stop being afraid to try because we are no longer fearful of being judged.
When we have a good and positive view of ourselves, we believe in our potential and feel inspired by anything that comes our way. Our mental and emotional health improves, leaving aside problems such as anxiety and depression.
What can influence our self-esteem?
All our experiences can influence how we see ourselves. Diseases, lack of physical ability, socio-economic status, racism and discrimination are some of them. Since childhood, we can feel that we are not loved and respected by the people around us, leading us not to know how to love ourselves and to excessive self-criticism on our part. Sometimes this decrease in self-esteem happens in adolescence or adulthood when we go through problems with relationships with others.
Thus, these experiences lead us to lose self-confidence, the sense of security, the sense of belonging and competence, and finally, our own identity because we are afraid of not being loved, appreciated by others. Therefore, we live under the expectations of others criticizing ourselves and always think: “we are not good for others or ourselves”.
“I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become“. (Carl Jung)
How to identify self-esteem problems
Characteristics of people with low self-esteem vs healthy self-esteem:
Low self-esteem |
You have doubts about your skills |
You don’t feel confident |
You ignore your qualities |
Has negative/toxic relationships |
Hard to love and to understand |
Low life expectations, and you think frequently that you can’t do it |
Fear of failure |
Difficulty expressing his needs |
Can’t say “No” |
Self-rejection and self-criticism |
He’s got a negative view of life |
Healthy self-esteem |
You know what your skills are |
You feel confident |
You know what your qualities are |
Maintains healthy relationships |
Have a healthy relationship with you |
Have real and proper expectations of life and believes in himself |
Can learn from his mistakes to advance in life |
Can express his needs |
Know how to say “No” |
Self-acceptance |
He’s got a positive view of life |
Thus, a person with low self-esteem doubts himself and has difficulty making decisions. The fact of doubting causes you not to take risks in new subjects/experiences or that you do not dominate, always afraid of failing. You tend to have difficulty relating, or you have relationships that are unhealthy. If we don’t have a healthy relationship with ourselves, how can we have with others? Usually, people with low self-esteem are people with great difficulty expressing their difficulties and asking for help.
There’s the other side of the coin. When we think that we have very high self-esteem, we tend to believe that we are perfect, superior to others, and we tend to have ideas that we can accomplish the impossible. So we also have problems in relationships because we think others are never good for us.
Someone with healthy self-esteem knows that he is the same as other people, no more, no less. He knows what his abilities are and what his limitations are. You have no problem making your own mistakes, and you don’t care about other people’s judgments either. Besides, he knows how to ask for help because he knows that sometimes, only with help will he be able to overcome the challenges.
Someone with healthy self-esteem knows how to control their anxiety levels and fears because they love themselves and know they’re loved. Feels supported and embraces life as well as herself. Accept life as it is, thanking each challenge as an important step to grow and evolve.
Tips to improve self-esteem:
- Identify and be aware of negative thoughts;
- Challenge beliefs and negative behaviour patterns;
- Have compassion for yourself and forgive yourself. ;
- Avoid constant self-criticism (e.g., “because you’re doing this…is really stupid”, “how silly I am”, “I look horrible, as you might like me like this.);
- Positive conversations with you;
- Begins to thank;
- Learn to say no;
- Build a good relationship with yourself, you will surely attract good relationships;
- Ask for help:
- Learn to be assertive;
- Do things that you like and feel good;
- Exercise: Release hormones that make you feel good;
- Celebrate your victories;
- Live in the present.
How can SulisLuna help?
CUSLANUS is a vibrational solution that helps you become aware of who you really are and understand the negative patterns of thoughts and emotions that lead to self-sabotage and low self-esteem. Identifying these patterns is the first step in facing them. In addition, the product’s high vibration will allow you, over time, to have the strength and motivation to replace these toxic patterns with positive thoughts and feelings, becoming more prepared to face the challenges that life presents and be well with you.
Healthy self-esteem is fundamental to a happier path.